Monday, February 10, 2014

Non-Monogamy is Still Hard; Here's a Song About It

Since I'm new to poly, every milestone (the first time a partner falls in love with someone else, has sex with someone else, etc.) is a big adjustment for me. Intellectually I feel awesome, emotionally I feel shitty.

Left Brain: I am thrilled that you finally found a connection like the one I've been enjoying for the last 6 months. It's been so hard to see you lonely, I've been wanting this for you for a long time, and I couldn't be happier.

Right Brain: Nooooooo! WTF!!! %&#*!!!

Left Brain: High five! I want to celebrate with you and show my support. I want to throw a party.

Right Brain: I want to throw a tantrum.

Left Brain: I understand what this new connection means to you, and feel secure in our relationship.

Right Brain: Blah blah (rejection), blah blah (irrational insecurity), blah blah (animosity to new person), blah blah (crazy crazy).

I wish my left brain could knock out my right brain in this battle, but I've learned that I can't just intellectualize away my emotions. The best I can do is give my right brain time to feel, take a step back and try to get to the core of what's bothering me, talk about it, heal and move on.

The video below is a perfect representation of what I've been struggling with. Admission: This blog post is partially an excuse to introduce you to Bo Burnham, who I recently discovered. If you haven't seen his brilliant musical comedy, check out his hour special "what".

No comments:

Post a Comment